If You Love Her
by thisarylwren
Summary: Jedi are forbidden to love...but what happens when they fall in love anyway? AnakinPadme and ObiSabe face those very problems. [complete]
1. If You Love Her

**Title: If You Love Her**

**Author: SilverDragon**

He dropped to one knee.  One hand extended outwards, holding a small box.  With a slow pop, the box slid open through power of the Force alone.  "Will you marry me?"

Padmé took a step backwards, staring at the ring.  "Anakin!" she said astonished.

The young man bent his head.  His apprentice braid fell past his shoulder and onto his chest.  With a sudden mischievous grin that broke the tense moment, Anakin extended the ring further out.  "Please?"

"Begging won't change my decision," Padmé informed him.

Anakin's face fell.  

"We both have obligations to the Republic.  There is no room for marriage."

Anakin rose, his black cloak swirling around him, "When two people love each other as we do, _nothing_ should get in the path of that.  Even if the galaxy fell apart right this minute, I would rather die knowing that I had sworn myself to you."

"The galaxy is very near doing that," Padmé sighed.  "Jedi aren't allowed to marry."

Anakin's jaw twitched slightly before he visibly calmed.  "Obi-Wan told you that, didn't he?"  The young man's voice was gathering a slight edge.

Amidala's heart melted at the look on Anakin's face.  "Oh Ani," she simply sighed.

"Forget it."  Anakin turned away for a quick moment before facing Amidala again.  "I can't walk out this room knowing that you're still inside," he stammered.  "I mean...something along those lines."

Amidala smiled graciously at him and slid one hand along his upper arm, giving a gentle squeeze.  Anakin's large eyes looked back at her.  "Are you an angel?" he breathed, reaching one hand back to rest on top of hers.

***

_"Are you allowed?"_

_Obi-Wan turned slightly seeing a handmaiden standing next to him.  Sabé, he recalled.  "Allowed to do what?  Place our fate in the hands of a boy we hardly know?  Bet on impossible odds?"_

_"No," Sabé said.  "Are Jedi allowed to – marry?"_

_Obi-Wan blinked once and turned to fully face Sabé.  "A Jedi is not allowed emotions."_

_"But a human is," Sabé pressed, "The Jedi Council can't deny anybody the basics of feeling.  It's an instinct.  No Jedi training could ever block that."_

_"I suppose you're right."  Obi-Wan smiled slightly, rubbing one hand along his cleanly-shaven chin.  "We do feel love – but we have learned that whenever we do, something will happen to break it apart.  The Force apparently, does not like Jedi to love."_

_"You believe this Force controls your life?" Sabé asked, disbelievingly.  "It's an abstract thing."  Obi-Wan smiled faintly.  "No mystical force controls my destiny," Sabé continued._

"Oh?"  Obi-Wan turned again, closing his eyes briefly.  Sabé turned, looking for the source of such intense concentration, but she saw nothing.  A faint knowing smile came to her lips.  "The Force – " she started, but then gasped.

_The sands were rising and dancing in a musical movement, swirling around Obi-Wan rapidly, creating a sandstorm around him.  It was a display of control and power.  Sabé's mouth dropped.  "How do you – "_

_Obi-Wan opened one eye and winked at her.  "The Force is in every living creature, object, particle."  Slowly, the sands died down as Obi-Wan released his grip on them.  "Now do you believe?"_

_"I believe in the Force, but I don't believe how it can forbid you to love."  Sabé was unrelenting.  _

_Obi-Wan frowned slightly, an intense look coming to him.  "The mysteries of the Force are deep.  As a Jedi, I spend my life studying the Force and trying to understand it."  He shrugged.  "Master Qui-Gon is teaching me much."  Obi-Wan's light blue eyes met hers.  "Back to your question.  Jedi are allowed to marry . . . after Knighthood."_

_Sabé sighed wistfully.  It was a shot in the dark but – "How long until your knighting?"_

_"I'm 25 now, so probably in a year or two."  Obi-Wan's eyes turned mischievous.  God, Sabé wouldn't stop looking deep into them.  "Why all the questions?"_

_"I've never met a Jedi before."  Sabé glanced longingly at him before diverting her attention to the sands.  How was it possible this striking man in front of her had turned such bland things into magic?_

_"I hope it will be a long time until I'm knighted," Obi-Wan admitted.  "I don't want to part with Master Qui-Gon for quite awhile.  I'm just not ready, mentally, I mean."_

_Sabé smiled at his unwillingness to admit that he also might not be ready physically.  She looked up to see that Obi-Wan was staring intently at her.  A warm blush crept up her cheeks, halted only by years of diplomatic discipline._

_"You're the first person I've ever admitted these things to," Obi-Wan said.  "I haven't even told Qui-Gon.  And I wonder – "_

_"What?" Sabé asked._

_In response, Obi-Wan leaned over and gently kissed her on the lips._

***

"Padmé, what did you do to that poor boy?" Sabé asked accusingly.

"What?"

"Anakin Skywalker.  I saw him leave a moment ago."

Padmé closed her eyes and sank down into a chair.  "He asked me to marry him."

"So marry him!" 

Padmé's eyes flew open in a startled expression.  A moment later, Sabé heard fully what she has said and apologized, "I'm sorry.  I was just lost thinking about how his master would have to come to a wedding."

A small smile touched Padmé's lips.  "You never did tell me what happened between you and that young Kenobi."

"Oh that was a magical night."  Sabé smiled wistfully before snapping back to reality.  "Anyway, we were talking about you and Skywalker.  What's wrong?  I thought you liked him."

"He's a child," Padmé said.

"After all you two have been through, you still think he's a nine-year-old boy?"

That was true, Padmé reflected.  Anakin had saved her life countless times, braved a Reek for her, and how could she forget the brush of his lips against hers as the two strained to kiss even while the crowd outside screamed for their deaths?

_"Step aside, Skywalker.  I don't want you.  Just the Senator."_

_"No!  You'll have to kill me before you ever get to her!"_

The hiss of lightsabers clashing together...Padmé shuddered.  "All right.  He isn't a child, but he's just not...it doesn't feel right," Padmé confessed.  "He's nineteen.  I'm twenty-four.  Those two ages don't ring a bell with me."

"You of all people worrying over that mundane matter," Sabé laughed.  "You just don't want to admit you love him."

"I can't fall in love with a Jedi.  He told me so himself.  Love is forbidden."

"Can you stop what has already happened?" Sabé challenged.

***

_"We could keep it a secret."_

_"But we'd be living a lie.  I couldn't do that.  Could you, Anakin?"_

Anakin replayed the moment in his head.  _Yes, _he answered mentally, I could.  A nine-year-old Anakin Skywalker would never have even considered hiding something so big from Obi-Wan, or even the meddling Council, but this desire flowed so strongly within him...Anakin sighed.

He was willing to do anything to have her in his arms, to know that she loved him and wanted him.  Anakin had never felt that way about anyone before.  He remembered Padmé's father speaking softly to him: _will you treat her right?_

_She is the center of the universe to me,_ Anakin replied.  He licked his lips, longing once more.  Oh how he wanted her right now...but he would teach himself patience.  With a reluctant sigh, Anakin turned to look back towards her chambers and then slowly ran one hand along the edge of the ring.

"What happened?"

Anakin turned sharply, surprised to see Obi-Wan standing there, a bemused expression on his face.  "Obi-Wan!"

"You're being too silent," Obi-Wan remarked.

Anakin folded one hand over the ring and slid it into the inner folds of his cloak.  "Sorry.  I'll start talking more if it worries you.  But I was just...thinking."

"That's a new one for you," Obi-Wan said, studying his padawan's face carefully.  "I spoke with Master Yoda earlier.  He says that you should start preparing for your trials."

Anakin's head jerked up.  "Really?"

"We need Jedi Knights at a time like this," Obi-Wan said.  "The Clone Wars have started.  Remember your duty to the Republic, Anakin.  You swore to protect it and uphold its traditions."

"I know all these things," Anakin snapped, irritated.

"I know you do."  Obi-Wan's voice reflected understanding.

"Then why must you repeat them?"

"I repeat them to remind myself," Obi-Wan said calmly.

"It's just – " With a shake of his head, Anakin halted his sentence.  "Never mind.  Everything is changing so fast."  He flexed his new arm.  "Even my arm is gone now, and with it, a part of myself."

Obi-Wan dropped his head to indicate Anakin's new lightsaber.  "You built a new one," he observed.

"Yeah."  Anakin gazed towards Padmé's chambers.

Obi-Wan followed his gaze and one eyebrow rose in surprise.  "Waiting for the Senator?"

Anakin grunted.

"It can be difficult, trying to maintain a relationship," Obi-Wan warned.  "Believe it or not, Padawan, I've fallen in love before.  It is mostly heartbreak, especially in a time of war when defending a love one can be..."

Anakin wheeled abruptly, "_She_ won't die.  Not while I live."

"Two assassination attempts have been made on her life in the past two weeks," Obi-Wan reprimanded.  "Do not form such a lasting attachment."

"Don't tell me I can't love her."  Tears clouded Anakin's vision.

"I won't because I know you already do."  Obi-Wan hesitated.  "I'm telling you this as your friend, Anakin."

"Well, thanks," Anakin snapped.

"I don't want you to get hurt."

Anakin set his jaw stubbornly and faced Obi-Wan, "I won't."

Pausing, Obi-Wan brushed the air with his hand as if flicking away dust before speaking, "Then why do I feel the Force circling in such a disturbance around you?"  

Out of the corner of his eye, Anakin could see Obi-Wan staring steadily at him.  He diverted his body stance slightly to shake off the feeling.  "It's _nothing,_" he ground out.  "It's _my_ life you're talking about." 

    With a sigh, Obi-Wan pressed one hand to Anakin's shoulder briefly before turning and walking down the corridor.  Anakin let out a sigh of relief as Obi-Wan's footsteps faded.

***

_"Ani?  My goodness, you've grown."_

_"So have you.  Grown more beautiful, I mean."_

Padmé recalled that moment of their first reunion.  She had been stunned.  No, stunned was an understatement.  She had been expecting to see the same nine-year-old boy she had met years ago...and instead, there had been this charming, handsome, young Jedi Knight.  A _very _charming young man, Padmé thought.

A sharp rap on her door brought her mind back to focus.  "Enter," she called.

Sabé entered the room.  "Did you know Anakin Skywalker has been waiting outside all night, M'lady?"

Padmé groaned softly to herself.  "Tell him to get some sleep."

"He won't listen to me."

"Well tell him that I want him to get some sleep."

"He won't listen to that, either."

"Tell him he's the most stubborn man to ever walk on this planet," Padmé grumbled.  "Then tell him to go home."

Sabé didn't budge.  "He says he won't leave until he speaks with you."

"Tell him I'll call security."

With a sigh, Sabé exited the chamber...only to return a few minutes later.  "He says he has a lightsaber," she pronounced.  "And he has good reason.  He's just fulfilling his mission, tending to your safety."

"Tell him unless he goes home and gets some sleep, I'll shoot myself," Padmé said threateningly.  "And don't forget to mention that I mean it."

Sabé exited again, only to reenter with Anakin by her side.  Padmé stumbled backwards in surprise, hastily fumbling with her hair.  "Don't," Anakin said, "You look beautiful even without hours spent on your hair."

"Anakin..." Padmé started.  She turned a flat glare on Sabé who shrugged helplessly.

Anakin crossed the room, standing three feet from Padmé.  "I love you."

"Anakin..."

He stepped closer, his eyes gazing deep into hers.  She couldn't resist staring back into them...oh she could spend hours on end happily doing so.  They were so full of innocence, hiding and holding back all the fears of the world for her.  

Gently, Anakin grasped her left hand.  "I do love you," he whispered.

Padmé fell into the embrace, tilting her head upwards to meet his lips.  A moment later, common sense kicked in and she pulled away.  "Ani...we can't do this.  The Jedi – the Jedi aren't allowed to marry."

"Actually," Sabé quipped from her corner.  "They can marry after Knighthood."

Padmé glared at her friend.  "Thank you so much."

"It's true," Anakin said, folding himself back into his cloak.  "But I would break any Jedi Code to be with you."

"I don't want to jeopardize your future as a Jedi Knight."

"You wouldn't be.  You'd be...enchanting it."

***

_"It is a great pleasure to see you again, M'lady."_

_"It has been far too long, Master Kenobi."_

Sabé smiled.  She had been hidden back in the shadows, wrapped in her handmaiden garments when that meeting had occurred..._it was a reunion for two pairs of people, _she thought.  

Now she strode purposefully down the hall...when she suddenly noticed him.  

He turned just as she neared.  "Never could sneak up on me," he teased.

"You're here late," she remarked.

"I know.  I'm worried about my apprentice."

"Anakin Skywalker?"

Obi-Wan nodded absentmindedly.  "He loves the Senator, you know."

"How can I not?  Anakin is many things, but least of all subtle.  I've seen the way he looks at her."  Sabé sighed.  "He's in there now, pronouncing his love and swearing allegiance."

Obi-Wan's eyes snapped open, "_What?_"

"I exaggerated," Sabé admitted.  "Rather, he's in there and Padmé's trying to knock some common sense into him."

"She does that job better than I."

"Do you have someone in your life to knock some common sense into you?"

Obi-Wan's mind flashed to Master Yoda.  "Yes.  Literally."  _With that blasted gimer stick of his, _he finished ruefully.

Sabé's expression fell slightly, "How is she?"

"Oh, you meant..." Obi-Wan shook his head.  "No, I was speaking about an entirely different subject, then."  He turned to glance at her, and time flashed back ten years.  Everything was the same, right down to his handsome features.  Except for that beard, Sabé admitted, everything about Obi-Wan Kenobi was downright...well...sexy.

"I remember ten years ago..." she started.  "You showed me the Force."

He made a faint 'go-on' gesture with one hand.

"You did a wondrous dance with the sands of Tatooine.  Such bland items, turned alive, through the Force.  I have been wondering ever since: are Jedi artistic?"

A confused expression came over Obi-Wan's face.  "The Force overflows with beauty," he quoted.  "If you love sands, you should visit the Temple sometime and ask for a Jedi Master Luminara.  Her skill far exceeds mine in the form of art."

"That would be an honor," Sabé smiled.

Obi-Wan stretched.  "Have you ever been in love?" he inquired.  Seeing her look at him oddly, he quickly added, "in the spirit of the moment, since everybody around us seems to be discussing the subject."

Sabé calmed her racing heart.  _He can probably sense such things._  "I have," she admitted, "Never true love.  More like...crushes."

"I as well...only mine include women who have tried to kill me on countless occasions or women who wound up being my enemy."  Obi-Wan shrugged.  "You can't quite tell whose the enemy anymore."  He smiled.  "At least I know I'm safe around you."

"The galaxy has become a very different place."

"A very wise troll told me the Clone Wars have started."  Obi-Wan shot a wary look down the hallway.  "And yet my padawan chooses this time of all times to get involved in love."

Hiding a stab of disappointment, Sabé said, "So you don't approve of love?"

"Oh, I welcome it when it smacks me right in the face," Obi-Wan said. 

**tbc**


	2. If You Love Her: Chapter II

_Okay, I've finally gotten my timelines correct.  This is my little idea of a scene before Anakin and Padmé wedding, when they first return to Coruscant to recover from the events on Geonosis.  After this, Ani and Padmé are going to go to Naboo and get married.  This is what happened in between those events._

Chapter II 

_"Don't be afraid."_

_"I'm not afraid of dying.  I've been dying a little bit each day ever since you came back into my life."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"I love you."_

_"You love __me?  I thought we decided not to fall in love.  That we'd be forced to live a lie – that it'd destroy our lives!"_

_"I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway.  My love for you is a puzzle, Ani, for which I have no answers.  I can't control it...and now I don't care.  I truly deeply love you."_

Padmé sighed softly, trying her hardest to look stern.  She remembered Sola's playful words.  _You act like you're not allowed to love and you are, and he acts like he isn't under such restrictions and he is!  _

Anakin was still staring at her.

Too late, Padmé realized the process of staring had gone on too long.  She opened her mouth to speak.  Words eluded her.  All her life she had spent making speeches...and now, at the moment when great convincing arguments should burst forth from her lips and soul, she found nothing.

"Anakin..."

Oh great.  Keep saying his name.  That's really convincing.

He leaned forward.  "You said you loved me."

"Anakin – "

"Or did you just say that because we were about to die?"  His tone was an attempt to sound neutral, but Padmé could hear the hurt underneath it.

"That's not it!" she protested immediately.  "I told you my love for you was a puzzle."

"You said you didn't care."

Padmé struggled again for words.  "I don't know," she said at last, helplessly.

The harsh look on Anakin's face melted away quickly.  "I'm sorry," he stammered out.  "My feelings have interfered.  My only real goal is – your happiness.  If you don't want it, I won't force anything."

"Anakin, it isn't your fault.  It's mine..."

"Don't say that!" Anakin blurted out quickly.  Padmé paused, startled at his vengeance.  Anakin continued, "You can do no wrong."

"That's not true, Anakin."  Padmé tried to convict her thoughts to him.  _He's a Jedi.  Why can't he sense that I love him...but I just can't bring myself to admit it?_

Anakin's eyes strayed towards her packed bags.  "You're – uh – leaving."

_Damn.  Of all the things for him to sense...  "I would be honored if you'd come," Padmé blurted out before she could stop herself.  A moment later she blushed.  __Did I just say that?_

But she couldn't help feeling slightly giddy as Anakin gave her a long calculating look before some of his old cockiness came back.  "I'll have to ask the Jedi Council first – " he smiled as Padmé took on a stunned look.  "Nah.  I'll just go."

"Master Obi-Wan will be very unhappy."

Anakin suddenly appeared very interested in listening to the air.  A moment later, a grin lit up his face.  "Speaking of Master Obi-Wan, here's something we should go see."

*******

"Oh my god," Padmé whispered.

"I know."  Anakin sounded smug.  The two were carefully hidden around the corner of a hallway, the view of Obi-Wan and Sabé talking right before them.  Padmé giggled again as she saw the handmaiden approach Obi-Wan carefully.

"Can you hear what they're saying?" she asked.

"Do we need to in order to understand?" he replied back.

"They're in love!" Padmé declared.  She had always known Sabé liked Obi-Wan...but never more than a friend.

Sabé and Obi-Wan were now standing side-by-side, speaking softly.  Both suddenly burst out laughing.  Anakin's expression soured.  "They're making fun of me."

"Hmm, no, they're not.  They'd be much too frightened to tease a Jedi."

Anakin stared at her disbelievingly.  "That's it; throw my own words back at me."  He put on a mocking voice.  "You're so bad!"

Padmé gave him a little shove.  Waving his long arms, Anakin gave a perfectly good impression of a fall...save for the fact he was grinning widely.  "You hurt me," he accused, his innocent wide eyes blinking.

"I'm sorry...not!"

Anakin allowed a hurt expression to linger on his countenance for a little longer, until he saw Padmé wasn't going to surrender.  He broke out into a grin.  At the same moment, Obi-Wan's words drifted over to them.

At least I know I'm safe around you.

For a long moment, Padmé didn't say anything.  It applied to her too, she realized.  Anakin had saved her countless times.  He was always there, with his lightsaber flashing.  Always there, picking her up on a reek from the rampaging nexu.  Always blinking innocently.  "Ani," she said softly.

It was just one word, but that one word held all the grand speeches Padmé had been trying to come up with the whole day.  

He saw her gaze and smiled.

***

Sabé shifted her head, trying not to disturb the heavy crest on her head.  The disturbing transmission began to repeat itself, the image crackling.  Feeling her heart beginning to break, she turned to see Obi-Wan staring incredulously at the transmission.  With a quick nod of his head, he rose and faced her.  "It's a trick.  Send no reply of any kind."

_His gaze remained on her moments longer, waiting for a confirmation.  Slowly, Sabé nodded, seeing the intensity behind his gaze.  Obi-Wan, she decided, had two modes.  There was the side she had seen, the fun, relaxed, casual Obi-Wan, and then this serious and intense young Jedi._

_Deep blue eyes sank down into her own, as if trying to read her emotions.  "Your Highness, if this is a trick, then these things aren't true."  His tone was sympathetic...understanding even._

_"But what if it isn't a trick?" Sabé asked._

_Obi-Wan stared at the transmission for a long moment.  With a wave of his hand, the transmission turned off.  "You shouldn't spend too long viewing depressing things, Highness.  It lowers the morale."_

_Sabé rose, challenging him.  "It's the truth."_

"Possibly."

_Sabé started a retort back, before noticing that the advisors and fellow officers were staring at her.  With a jolt she realized that the real Queen wouldn't be arguing with this young Jedi.  She had slipped up._

_Again, she halted her emotions and simply stared at him.  "Thank you for your words, Obi-Wan," she said carefully._

_With a short nod, he bowed deeply and exited the room, gathering his long flowing robes around him._

_Sabé stared longingly after him as he exited back to the cockpit.  How she wanted to go after him, to strike up a debate to simply stare into those deep eyes of his...but she had her duties to do and he had his._

_Perhaps another day, she sighed.  One day, she would get her chance to be with him. One day, when they could put politics and duties aside and simply be who they were and enjoy each others company out of something other than obligation._

***

It was long after night had fallen that Obi-Wan found himself standing outside his quarters at the Jedi Temple.  He started to enter before feeling another rather smug feeling through the Force.  With a sigh, he accessed the door, seeing Anakin sitting lazily on the couch.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Obi-Wan asked, trying to defuse the feelings of smugness flowing easily from the young man.

"I tried, Master."  Anakin smirked.

Obi-Wan sighed again.  "_Nothing happened, Padawan."_

"You were talking with Sabé."  Anakin's eyes widened in innocence as Obi-Wan shot him a dangerous look.  "How sweet, Master."  He smirked again.  "How was she?  Do you love her?"

"_Anakin!" Obi-Wan shouted._

"At least I know I'm safe around you," Anakin quoted, wisely ignoring the fire-breathing dragon his master had morphed into.  "That was a good one.  I could learn a bit from you about pick-up lines."

Expelling out a quick breath, Obi-Wan made his way to Anakin's side and tugged on the braid, twisting it in his hand.

"Ow!" Anakin blurted out immediately. 

"Good," Obi-Wan muttered, "Anakin Skywalker, nothing happened between Sabé and myself.  Certainly not in the terms of what's happening between you and Senator Amidala."

The smirk was still on his padawan's face.  Obi-Wan tugged on the braid. "Got it?"

"Never!" Anakin declared.

"You seem in a good mood," Obi-Wan quickly said, trying to change the subject.

"She loves me," Anakin said confidently.

Obi-Wan dropped the braid and stared at Anakin in stun.  "Did she tell you so?" he asked.  _Is this the same person I saw earlier?  Is Anakin the same person I saw earlier?_

Anakin nodded.  "Maybe not in so many words."

"What is that supposed to mean?"  Exasperation lined his words.

"She asked me to accompany her back to Naboo tomorrow."

Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow, trying to suppress the sudden horrible thought that froze his every muscle.  _She's going?  Already?  She didn't even tell me..."She's leaving tomorrow morning?" he verified._

"No, Master.  Afternoon."  Anakin stared at Obi-Wan, a slow smile gracing his features.  "She wants me to go with her again.  To Naboo."

"Congratulations."

Anakin grinned.  "I'm going to marry her."

"No, you are not."

Pouting, Anakin stared pointedly at Obi-Wan.  

"Don't give me that."

"Well you shouldn't be one to talk," Anakin argued, "You and Sabé..."

"Don't give _me that."  Obi-Wan gave Anakin a glare intended to wipe the smirk off the apprentice's face, but it failed to serve its purpose.  "Sabé and I are friends.  Nothing more.  We haven't seen each other in years and now we're enjoying each other's company."_

"Yes, Master."  Anakin kept his expression perfectly calm.

With an exasperated sigh, Obi-Wan gave up.  "You just don't learn anything, Anakin."

"Where have I heard those words before?"

"Who gave you permission to go to Naboo?" Obi-Wan asked, changing the subject again.

"Right."  Anakin chewed his lip.  "Um...you?"

A raised eyebrow was his response.  Quickly, Anakin continued.  "Because of the Clone Wars, you know?  She might be in danger if anybody wants revenge.  That viceroy is still at large and still has forces at his disposal.  So I should accompany her to Naboo to see her safely arrived."  He ended with a triumphant smile.

"That's good," Obi-Wan admitted.  "All right, you can go."

With another cocky grin, Anakin started off towards his room.  "And, Padawan," Obi-Wan said quickly before Anakin was completely gone, "Don't do _anything stupid!  I mean it this time."_

"I won't," Anakin said confidently. 

***

The moment the sun spilled across the land, Obi-Wan was immediately up.  Normally he reserved this time for light meditation and morning exercises, but today was a different story.  Less than a minute later, he was out and in an air taxi, headed for the Senate buildings.

A few quick words got him through the hallways and with a bit of help from the Force, he was standing outside Sabé's quarters.  He raised his hand – and let it drop.  Was he insane?  It was almost the crack of dawn!  She wouldn't be up yet...he really should be more patient.

Obi-Wan turned away for a second, trying to compose himself.  All he wanted was to be with her _now and yet it wasn't possible.  It wasn't meant to be._

Wasn't it?

He stared longingly at her door a moment longer, remembering her gentle touch against his arm before turning to go.  He was acting more foolish than his apprentice, going against every word he had ever said to Anakin.  His mind told him he was wrong and yet why was his heart screaming for him to do this?

_The Force, apparently, does not like Jedi to love._

The words fully sank in.  One last look and Obi-Wan turned to go.

"Obi-Wan?"

With a sweeping turn, Obi-Wan whirled, picking up Sabé in his arms.  "You didn't tell me you were going," he said, "I just couldn't – let you go so quickly."

"Oh, Obi-Wan!" she blurted out as he whirled her easily through the air.  Gently he set her feet back onto the ground and simply stared at her.  "You look – amazing."

"You more so."

"Come in," Sabé whispered, "We shouldn't have another conversation out in the hall.  You never know who might hear."  Her face reddened slightly and Obi-Wan immediately assumed Padmé had done some light teasing of her own.

"Did she give you a hard time?"

Sabé snorted.  "I suppose you had the hardest time of all, with Skywalker."

"It was worth it," Obi-Wan admitted.  He sat down next to her on the couch.  "Ten years we haven't seen each other and somehow I feel as if I've known you all my life."  He snorted decisively.  "Other than Master Qui-Gon, you're the only other person I've really admitted _everything to."_

"All in one night, too," Sabé said knowingly.

"That night, on Tatooine," Obi-Wan started, "I've thought about it any moment I could have.  Even when I was berating Anakin about such feelings and dreams."  He glanced ruefully at her.  "Some Jedi Master I make."

"A wonderful one?" Sabé asked lightly.  "There can't be a Jedi out there who has never felt love?"

"Master Yoda, perhaps."  A moment later, Obi-Wan stared seriously at her.  "Don't tell him I said that."

"Your secrets safe with me."

"I should hope so."  Obi-Wan hesitated, seeing the tiny apartment already packed up.  "You're leaving this afternoon."

"Even earlier, I'm afraid," Sabé admitted, "In about two hours, I must go on the ship and play my part of the decoy."  She sighed wistfully.  "I should start getting ready."

"So this is goodbye."

"Another ten years, Obi-Wan.  There is only one man who can ever fit into my heart."

"Ten more years," Obi-Wan murmured.  "That's how long it'll be?"

"By then this war might be over."  Sabé sounded doubtful of that.  But she wasn't one to beat around the bush.  "You'll be fighting in it, won't you?  You better not get killed," she warned, "Or I'll be after you for not making the appointment."

Her words acknowledged what Obi-Wan knew deep inside.  The chances of both of them being alive and together again in ten years was bordering on _never.  But he held in his emotions and simply nodded.  "I won't forget."_

"Well, then, this is goodbye, Master Jedi."  Sabé started to hold out her hand and then collapsed against him.  "Oh forget those formalities!"  She gave him a sly kiss, going deeper in as he returned it, his arms holding the two of them close together, entangled in one another's arms.

At last they released.  "Until next time," Sabé said again.

"Our duties will not be in the way next time," Obi-Wan promised.  He stared at her again, the woman he loved, a woman he wouldn't see for quite a long time.  Would his heart be able to take it?

Yes, he firmly promised himself.  It would.  He would _force himself to.  For he was a Jedi and love was forbidden.  He was a Jedi and he had a job to do.  __A Jedi knows no love.  Without a backwards look, he stubbornly got his legs to move and walk out the door._

_But a heart does._

For the first time in his life, Obi-Wan wished he were not a Jedi.  Then perhaps, he would be able to stop and enjoy these simple emotions that were a part of all life.  But there was no room to think of the "what ifs?" in life.

_I am a Jedi._

_And a Jedi knows no love._


	3. If You Love Her: Chapter III

Chapter III 

"Now this is luxury," Anakin sighed blissfully from his position on the bed on the Naboo Cruiser.

"I thought Jedi didn't know luxury."

Anakin flopped over to his stomach to look at her.  "Every time we get onto a ship, Padmé, we always have a discussion on what a Jedi can and can't do."  He gave her a teasing look.  "I thought Senators could discuss about a wide range of topics."

His smirk remained on his face until a ball of cloth and feathers smacked him squarely across the face.  Startled, Anakin barely had time to roll to one side to dodge another hit.  His eyes narrowed.  "No fair."

"Oh yeah?" Padmé challenged, raising the pillow again.  "Ow!" she cried out as something soft smacked her across the back.  A second pillow floated easily through the air, landing in Anakin's hands.   "You're unfair," she replied.  "You and the Force."

"I know," Anakin smirked.

"Well you can't beat me," Padmé said, flying at him viciously.  The silk pillow coverings were cast aside quickly as both took desperate swings.  At last, Anakin fell back, his hands pleading.  

"All right you win," he said.

She eyed him warily.  "Are you sure?"

"Hmm...no," Anakin swung outwards and secured her pillow with one hand, tugging.  She refused to let go.  Anakin exerted a bit more strength into his tug, causing Padmé to stumble.  She was in his arms immediately.

"Wow, you're fast," Padmé breathed out before more sensible words came to her mind.  "I mean, your reflexes are incredible."

"Everything about you is incredible," Anakin said softly.

A warm blush crept up Padmé's face.  How was it possible he made her feel this way?  So out of control...so _wanting...without fully aware of herself, she leaned closer against him, their lips touching ever so briefly for the third time in their lives._

"M'lady?" Typho sounded more amused than anything else.

"Oh!" Padmé hastily straightened, ignoring Anakin's attempts to help.  "What is it?" she asked, flustered.

"We will be landing in a few minutes."  Typho cast a smile at a sheepish Anakin and Padmé.  "I just wanted to inform you of that."

"Um, thank you," Padmé stammered.  Typho gave her a knowing smile, bringing another flush to Padmé's face.  This was embarrassing.  Over the years, Typho had seen many people court her, but each time had seen her decline.  She had even given him a stinging speech on how important duty was that time she had caught him kissing a friend of hers.  And now....

Thankfully, he didn't remark any further.  "I'll see you at the platform, M'lady.  You and Jedi Skywalker can come down whenever you're ready.  And Skywalker, I have a message from Obi-Wan Kenobi.  Just ask when you want it."

Anakin flushed.  "Thank you, sir," he said as strongly as he could manage.  "I'll come by in a few moments...after I pack my stuff."  Nothing in the room belonged to him except for his lightsaber, which was already clipped to his belt.

With a bow, Typho left the room, smiling to himself.

***

_"We need you back on Coruscant immediately.  The Commerce Guilds have declared war.  The Council wants us to report immediately to a Jedi task force being sent to Kamino.  We must track down the son of that bounty hunter for more information.  You must return immediately."_

Anakin stared blankly at the transmission.

"So it's war, then," Padmé sighed.

"That's what I love so much about Naboo," Anakin said, "Nothing ever seems to disturb this planet.  Other than the invasion ten years ago, I mean.  But it's always so peaceful and everything.  I just – love it so much here."

"It won't be safe forever, even," Padmé sighed.  She gestured towards the transmission.  "Perhaps you should leave now with the transport," she admitted, "Obi-Wan will be expecting you."

"But I just arrived."

Padmé hid her surprise at his answer.  "You know you have to go where duty calls."

"I know these things.  I know all of them."  Anakin paced restlessly.  

"What's on your mind?" Padmé asked immediately.

Anakin paused.  "I didn't have time to tell you this before, but when my mother – died, I thought I had lost everything.  There was nothing to live for anymore.  I was ready to throw myself off a cliff at any moment.  But you – you gave me a reason to live again."  He fumbled with words.  "When you went to rescue Obi-Wan, I remembered that I had people to live for.  If I had lost him...I don't know what I would have done."

He hesitated.  "And when I had thought I had lost you, when you fell off the Geonosis carrier, I felt as if a part of me had been broken forever."  He lowered his voice.  "You are the reason why I'm standing here, Padmé.  If it weren't for you, I'd be dead...or worse."

"Oh, Anakin," she said softly, touched.  

"And now the Council is ordering me to leave."  Anakin sighed.  "If only they could understand these things.  The simpler parts of life.  They're wise, Padmé, everybody says so...but sometimes I can't help but think they're wrong."

They were bold words, for a Jedi, Padmé realized.  "Wisdom is not always clear," she said slowly.

"But something tells me I should be with you," Anakin persisted.  _So that was his point, Padmé realized in a flash._

"I've been thinking about that, too," Padmé said.  "When you told me about marriage and everything, I thought it was too fast.  But now, I see that love isn't always by-the-book.  It can take place over a decade or in the space of two weeks."

Anakin's eyes widened.

"Before you go," Padmé continued.  "We should – marry.  We've been through so much together.  It feels right."  She placed one hand to her heart.  "In here."

"I feel it also," Anakin echoed.

***

_Sabé fell back on her hands, laughing uncontrollably.  "Qui-Gon actually said that?"_

_"I know!" Obi-Wan said, shaking his head dolefully.  "And I was standing right there, too!  He just turned to the aide and said, 'there's a bed – '"_

_"Obi-Wan!" Sabé shouted, "I already heard it once!"  She giggled.  "I don't need to hear it again.  I think I'll prefer to think of Qui-Gon as a sensible Jedi Master, not some – some – "_

_"He might hear you know," Obi-Wan warned._

_"He's miles from here," Sabé protested._

_"Well that's my Master," Obi-Wan said, "I swear, he can sleep through a thunderstorm but the moment I swing out of bed, he wakes up!"  He rolled his eyes.  "I can't get away with anything, it seems."_

_She smiled sympathetically.  "Well it's the same with Panaka around here.  The second Padmé gets a wild idea, he gets all cautious.  But it's a good thing in the long run...we owe him everything."_

_Obi-Wan grinned and stretched out his long legs.  "How long do you think we'll be cooped up here?" he asked, "You know, before Panaka and Master Qui-Gon think we can leave?"_

_"A few more days?" Sabé guessed._

_"I spoke with the Queen earlier.  She's very upset.  She'll be wanting to leave earlier, I suspect."_

_"Perhaps," Sabé said carefully.  "What do you think of her, Obi-Wan?"_

_He held back a smile.  "What do you expect me to think of her?"_

_"Wise?" _

_"Very."_

_"Pretty?"_

_A faint smile crept over Obi-Wan's face.  "Sometimes.  Like this afternoon, I felt warm __around her, like something was sweeping my entire body with complete joy.  But other times, it feels like a business arrangement."_

_"Such as when?"_

_"Like back on Naboo."  Obi-Wan grinned at Sabé, seeing that she was swallowing in all his words.  "It's a complex feeling.  I'm not used to discussing my feelings, at least not my feelings of love._

_"So your duty holds you back?"_

_Obi-Wan held his hands pleadingly.  "I feel love.  But when it comes to maintaining a relationship, I'd never be able to do it.  One day I'll be out here in the Outer Rim, the next I'll be on Coruscant speaking to the Council.  I go where I go."_

_"So if you ever fell in love, you wouldn't be able to enjoy it?"_

_"No Jedi ever has been able to."  A wistful smile graced his handsome features.  "And if they do, they aren't really Jedi, anymore."_

***

"So what are we going to name our kids?" Anakin asked jokingly as he moved bags around.  Just earlier that day, they had gotten married, with only droids as their audience.  But the view had been worth it all – and so had the oath the marriage had brought him.

But despite everything, Padmé had told him to get back to Naboo.  _You can't disobey the Council just for me, she had argued vehemently.  So Anakin had reluctantly agreed and they had returned to Padmé's Senatorial quarters in preparation for his trip._

"We can't have kids yet!" Padmé protested.

"It was just a thought," Anakin defended himself.  "You know what would be so cool?"  He ignored Padmé's exasperated sigh.  "Our names start with A, you know?  We could have two kids and name them with identical first letters too!"

"That's...nice," Padmé said slowly, thinking anything but.

The smile dropped from Anakin's face as he realized his brilliant idea wasn't that appealing.  But a moment later, it was back.  They could argue this point later.  They were together now, and that was all that mattered.

He flopped back down on her bed and studied the room.  "I don't really have anything to pack," he admitted, "So I guess I'm just delaying."

"Are you going to tell Obi-Wan?" Padmé asked, voicing the question that had been on her mind ever since the wedding.

Anakin straightened immediately.  "If I do, he'll end it."

"So we will keep it a secret."

"I won't let it destroy us," Anakin promised.  _And no matter what Obi-Wan said, she won't get hurt during this war.  I won't let it.  And if anyone does...they'll have to answer to me.  "Do you think this marriage was worth it?" he asked, "Worth everything?"_

Padmé didn't hesitate.  "It was, Ani.  It was."

Epilogue 

"Why did you delay me?" Anakin shouted, anger evident in her voice.  "I could have saved her, _Master," he sneered angrily, "If only you hadn't sent me sent me on a stupid background check!"_

"Nobody could have saved her," Obi-Wan said steadily.  "I prevented you from seeing her death."

"Well _thank you!" Anakin snapped sarcastically.  "Is that the truth?  Or did you just want to see my heart break?"  His voice grew shrill, choked with hysterics and lanced with anger.  The result was an odd comical cackle, but one that held a burning hatred behind it._

"I never wanted to hurt you, Padawan..."

"Don't you dare call me that anymore!" Anakin erupted.  "You are no teacher to me.  You are simply the executioner of my wife!"  Breathing hard, he advanced on Obi-Wan.  "Do you know what she said, all those years ago on Geonosis?  When you were captured with odds strongly stacked against you, she went for you anyway!  And now, in the same situation, you didn't go after _her!  You didn't let __me go after her!"_

"Could you have won?" Obi-Wan asked softly.  "Could you have defeated all thousand droids by yourself?  Would her sacrifice have been made in vain?"

Anakin's credibility was rapidly slinking away, but the words refused to defuse the rage he felt.  "I could have saved her," he repeated.  "You didn't give me that chance."  

"No, you couldn't have."  Obi-Wan replied, deadpan.  "You would have died next to her."

Tears came to Anakin's eyes.  Padmé had died because he hadn't been strong enough to save her.  His mother had died because he hadn't been able to save her.  Two people, the only people who had ever _truly believed in him were gone.  It was too difficult to keep it all in himself.  And here was Obi-Wan, a solid rock who would never ever waver...it would be so easy to place everything on him._

"Anakin, listen to me," Obi-Wan tried.  "If we go now, we can capture her killers..."

"No!" Anakin declared.  "She's dead because you didn't let me go after her.  And you know what, Obi-Wan?  Someone else will die now because of that."  He took off down the hallway.

Confusion fazed in Obi-Wan before the news hit him.  Sabé was just down the hallway, alone, unarmed, and unguarded.  "Anakin, no!" he shouted, struggling to push his feet forward.

_He was back in that nightmare.  He could see the Sith Lord battling, hammering away at the one he loved. They were beyond him.  A laser wall stood between them.  He could do nothing but watch.  With a cry, the red lightsaber came flashing downwards, sinking through her body.  Noiselessly, she fell, her eyes locking one last time on Obi-Wan._

_I love you._

"NOO!" Obi-Wan shouted, trying to rush forward.  Anakin turned at the sound of the cry, his expression emotionless.  "Do you feel better now?" Obi-Wan snapped bitterly.  "Do you feel better now because now I'm hurt?"

Gently he knelt next to Sabé, one hand gently brushing the gentle curve of her cheek.  Her silk brown hair had fallen onto her face, covering her lifeless eyes.  With as much courage as he could, Obi-Wan brushed the hair behind her ear and closed her eyes with one hand.

"How do you like that feeling?" Anakin asked hoarsely.

"How do you like the feeling of being a murderer?" Obi-Wan asked, advancing on Anakin.

"Stay away from me," Anakin said blankly.  His lightsaber hissed alive and pointed at Obi-Wan's throat.  "Stay the hell away from me."

All previous compassion Obi-Wan had felt for his apprentice had melted away.  "Go to hell," he replied and gently laid his forehead down on Sabé's, almost daring Anakin to strike them both down.

But he couldn't.  He saw Obi-Wan and in that image he saw himself, that night had had laid his head down over his mother's and wept.  And looking at Obi-Wan, the shimmer of tears was evident in his eyes, too.

Gathering his cloak around him, he strode out from the room, not looking back.

_"I couldn't live like that.  Could you, Anakin?"_

_"You're right.  It would destroy us."_

The End 

_Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this!  I can't believe I finally finished another multi-chaptered story!  !_!_

_And to everyone who has seen AOTC already, you are so lucky!  I have to wait another two weeks before I can go see it!_


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